parenting redemption

During our mini Christmas vacation, we took the kiddos ice skating.  It was 63 degrees in December and we were at an outside rink.  I bundled everyone up like it was -22 because I felt like I should.  A started by immediately falling on her toukus in her snow pants. Surprisingly, she got right back up and tried again.  K. went around the miniscule rink wrapped so tightly in clothing that he could barely walk let alone skate.  10 minutes into the escapade, all of the outer layers and K. were off the ice.  He was hot and done.  A. on the other hand, continued skating for another hour.  By the end, she could skate end to end all by herself with a huge smile on her face.  When we finished, she specifically asked to skate more and go to ice skating lessons.  Sure, I can make that happen.    

We came home and I looked online.  The next county over has them starting the end of January.  No problem.  I was excited, she was excited, everyone was happy.  I should have registered her right away.  I should have printed off the stupid form and driven it over to the rink on my way to work the next day.  I didn't.  In fact, I didn't do it for the next 20 ish days.  I didn't do it until Monday of this week when I went, "Oh CRAP."  I called, the office assistant politely told me that the registration was closed on Friday.  I begged, is there anyone I can talk to.  She gave me a voicemail of the director.  I left a message blatantly admitting to my mistake and being "one of those parents."  I got no return call.  Thursday evening rolled around and I realized that I would have to break the news to her.

me: A. I know that we were going to sign you up for ice skating.  I know you were really excited, but I didn't get the form in on time.

A: quizzical look as I fell from the pedastool that mommy's are on for only a very short time.  "So, can we take it now?"

me: I tried to call a few times this week but I don't think it's going to work out.

A: cry. cry. cry

me: feeling worse and worse and worse.  Is there something else that you would like to try?

A: no, thanks (ps. the politeness made me feel worse)

me: The program was for 3-5 year olds so you probably would rather wait until next year when you can skate with the 6 year olds.

A: I guess so, the 3 year olds might fall on my skates.

me: You can try gymnastics, I think it is all older kids.

A: I guess so...

Friday rolls around and we talk about gymnastics a little bit more.  She's fine with the situation though I still feel like crap.  It's 12:00 pm and I come out of one of my patient's homes.  My phone was ringing and it was .... the skating rink.  If you can get the form here before 4:30 today, we have a spot open.  Done.  I was on my way.  I made an extra stop was in the door in about 15 minutes.  I thanked them about 50 times.  I apologized for being one of "those mom's".  The pregnant receptionist just laughed and gave me a look.  I think she took a vow not to ever be me.  Whatever, my kid will be happy.

I get home and tell A. the news. Her response was, "won't the 3 year olds fall all over me?"  Yeah, so my plan to downplay it apparently worked.  "I'm sure they will be somewhere else.  You get to skate!"

This morning, she woke up super excited.  She said, "I'm so wild because I get to skate today!"

She got on the ice and moved up from the beginners (the 3 year olds) as soon as they saw she could move across the ice.  Her response, "Mommy, the 3 year old didn't get a chance to fall on my skates."  Ahhh, parenting redemption.  

And... 

This little guy was pretty happy jumping around the rink without his snow pants on:)

pretty little liar

In the past week, I have learned that this isn't necessarily an honest face.  This little one is apparently experimenting with honesty and what we will do if she lies.  

She came home from school the other day and said, "Mommy, I know you packed me a snack but I told my teacher that you didn't."  She went on to tell me that she didn't like the snack that I packed and would rather have the pretzels that her teacher has for forgetful days.  She said, "I went to my back pack and pretended that I didn't see them there."  Then she said, "at least I'm honest now."  

Well honey, I"m glad that you are honest now.  Here's my honesty.  I don't care about that lie.  But, if I ignore it, you will think that you can lie anytime.  So, I scolded you.  I told you that lying doesn't make sense.  If you had simply told me that you didn't like the snack, I would have packed something else.  Now, you have to do 5 extra chores.  Each chore worth a quarter.  Each quarter to pay your teacher back for the snack that you lied to get.  

I would think that it made some sort of impact except that she came home on the bus a few days later and said, "I lied again.  I guess I need more chores."  Ummm ok.  The lie:  "I told my friends on the bus that my eyeball popped out before and that I put it back in."  How do you not laugh at that? I responded with something like, "that doesn't even make sense."  I then did what every mom that has no idea how to handle a situation does... "What should we do about that?" I asked.  She replied, "Well I guess I can give them each a quarter to still be my friend."  pause.... stare..... pause.... questioning look from A.... confused look from Mommy....   "I think an apology would be better. We don't pay our friends money.  You paid your teacher for the pretzels not to like you."  

I do have to admit that I told her to apologize but I didn't follow up.  Is it terrible that I kind of didn't want her to apologize because then they might make fun of her or may not be her friend?  I know that could be the natural consequence, but it doesn't mean I want it for my kid.  Hopefully, they accepted it with the same, "who cares?", that I accepted the snack lie.  Hopefully, they will still love my pretty little liar.  If not, I guess we will deal with that too. 

for the Richmonders... for Meg

I'm not a runner.  I actually hate running.  I love how it makes me feel afterward, but, in my mind, each step is awful.  However, I got up this morning and ran.  Why?  Because I could and because so many of the people that I know were impacted by the loss of Meg Cross Menzies.

Though I LOVE where I live now, Richmond will always be in my heart.  It is a small town in a big city.  It's where we had our first house, my first job, our first dog, and my first out of school friends.  It's where we got married and where I got my graduate degree.  I don't go back often, but I cry every time that I leave. I think the entire community has rallied this week after a wife of a policeman and a mother of 3 was killed by a drunk driver while running.  My news feed has been blowing up today as the community vowed to "finish her run"  It's amazing.  It's awe inspiring.  It's so sad.

While I was running a measely 3 miles (I can't lie, I walked part of it), I was praying.  

Praying for 1) My friends Heather and Julie.  Both members of the Richmond running community.  Both directly affected by her loss.  Girls, I hope you feel supported.  

2) Meg's children and her husband.  They have a long life that was forever changed.  And, they are entering in to some very public grieving time.  Grieving is never easy, but grieving with an entire community watching is even harder.

3) The children of the driver that hit Meg.  Like I said before, I did not know Meg.  I don't even know the names of the children of the driver.  But, I do know that there are 3 of them.  That they have already lost their mother in a car accident, they dealt with a father with Leukemia, and now they are dealing with a father in jail and a community that is speaking out about what he did.  These teenagers have a lot to overcome.  I'm praying that they also find support from family and friends.  I'm praying that they can forgive and have a relationship with their father.  I'm praying that they can somehow overcome yet another tragedy in their short lives and find happiness.  

After my run, I came home to my husband and kids.  I have been struggling a bit lately with life balance and finding patience.  Today though, I felt especially blessed.  Thanks, Meg and Thanks, Richmond for renewing my spirit.      

more flaws

In the past week, I have admitted to forgetting to bathe my son for a few nights because he was already in his pajamas, and having my child clean my house while I yelled at her.  Lets take this a step further with my parenting flaws.  Obviously there is more than 1 flaw, but I think my biggest parenting flaw is night time.  I openly admit that I hate being woken up.  I could handle the first year when I was breast feeding because, thankfully, God blessed us with kids that went right back to sleep after nursing.  I don't know if I ever woke up all the way.

Now, however, it actually feels like physical pain when I get pulled awake from my cozy bed.  K. is in the midst of potty training so he has been waking up to pee.  I wish it was to actually pee and not after he pees because really, what is the point of that?  I think I hit an all time low last night because K peed through his diaper.  So, I did what every good mom would do and changed his diaper.  Only, as I was changing it, I felt that his sheets were wet.  Seriously?  I did not do the good mom thing, I moved him over to the not wet side of the bed and went back to sleep.  It's awful, I know.  I feel awful, and his room smells awful.  But, I was tired and he still lived.

This next admittance actually happened back in October.  A. was having bad dreams for a few weeks.   We were at my friend Pam's house in NC.  A. came in and said, "I had a bad dream."  She apparently told me what it was but I think I feel back asleep in the middle of the conversation.  I woke up again as she was tapping me.  "It's ok, you are safe.  Go back to bed."  She did, but wasn't happy about it.  She came back 3 minutes later. This time, I got up and walked her back to bed.  She came back a few minutes later.  At that point, I got stern with her.  "You are fine, Mommy and Daddy are sleeping."  She didn't come back again.

The next morning, B got up with the kids.  He said he was downstairs and A. asked to go look at the front door.  Apparently, her dream was that Satan was scratching at the door and trying to get in the house.  She checked each door and then took some serious snuggling to feel safe.  She then told B. that the only reason she could go back to sleep was because she pulled K. close to her and they slept together on the air mattress.  All. Time.Low.

I will say that thankfully, she hasn't had a bad dream in awhile.  We have solved them for the most part by praying about it before bed and making sure that she knows she is safe every night. But, I sure do hop out of bed for those now.  I think she could hold that over my head for life if she wanted.

crossing a line?

Dress up is obviously a staple in this house.  As much as K. loves his spiderman, fireman, construction worker. etc.  A. loves her cinderella, hairdresser, bride, and monkey.  Sometimes they come in with them all mixed up and we have to "introduce" the dancing monkey or the hair cutting bride.  Well, this week, I felt like dress up went to an all new level.  A. wanted to play Cinderella.  But, she wanted to be Cinderella before she met the prince.  OK, we found a dress, apron, and babushka.  Then she asked for chores.  Well, this is the best game ever!!!  So, I asked her to fold the laundry.

"No Mommy, the step mother yells at Cinderella."

Let me get this straight.  I"m supposed to yell and then my house gets cleaned.  Weird or normal?

"What's next Step mother?" , asks Cinderella/ A.

"UUMMMM, maybe fold the clothes".  Each time I would pause because is this too good to be true or awful because I'm yelling over and over at my child by her choice.

After sewing an old shirt she got tired of playing.  I still can't decide if I'm happy or sad that it's over.  Kids are weird, or maybe just my kids.

introducing....

K. is going through a phase where he only wants to wear pajamas.  He reluctantly puts on clothes for daycare but then changes into pajamas as soon as he walks in our door.

Sometimes, more than 1 pair of pajamas at the same time.

Then, he goes and stands at the top of the stairs.  He yells, "MOM." "MOMMA" "MOMMY" until I say, "introducing K., the pajama boy." Then, with a huge smile on his face,  he runs down the stairs, says, "Tadaa.", and goes on with his day.

The only exception is for spiderman.  My boy got a Spiderman costume for Christmas (thanks to the 70% off after Halloween sales).  Once he opened the costume, he immediately took off his "Christmas Boy" and but on his Spiderman.  Then, he ate his Christmas dinner in the costume, played for the rest of the day in the costume, played the next day in the costume, etc. etc.  It has reached a point now where spiderman and pajama boy are both a part of our daily routine.

spiderman at the dentist

spiderman and his pal cinderella

The cons of this new found wierdness are 1) that I have to keep track because when he gets in his pajamas early it throws off my routine; I found last week that I embarrassingly forgot to bathe him for 3 nights because he was already ready for bed.   2) I'm not allowed to call him by his name, only pajama boy or spiderman so half the time he doesn't come when he is called and he has a built in excuse

The pro 1) my boy can now put on his own pants because I refuse to keep dressing and redressing him.  It makes this OT proud.!

the negotiator

More than one person has told me that the continuous negotiating, that comes with my 5 year old girl, will be good in the long run.  Her grandfather pointed out that she is exactly like her father at 5 years. I apparently liked him enough to keep him around.  But, sometimes, I question my ability to be patient enough to cultivate the negotiation into a good quality.  

Some examples...

1) A: Momma, can I watch a "dinosaur train."

Me: no, you have watched enough TV

A: But, I already turned it on

Me: no, you have watched enough TV

A: But, it's a snow one and it is snowing outside

Me: NOO

A: But, I like dinosaurs and I'm learning about them.

Me: Why are you asking me, if you already have it on downstairs and made up your mind?

A: because, it makes you happy when I ask.

A. 1: Mommy 0

2) A: Mommy, can I go over to my BFF's house

Me: No, you have been there for the past 2 days

A: but, she likes to play with me and I'll ask nicely

Me: I don't even think they are home

A: but, you can text her mom and find out

Me: I think she get's tired of my incessant text messages

A: no, I think she likes it and I"m learning how to be a good friend while I'm over there

A. 2: Mommy 0

3) A: can you play with me?

Me: not right now, I'm making dinner.

A; can you read me a story?

Me: not right now, I"m making dinner.

A. can you talk to me?

Me: I think I am

pause pause

Me: why are you staring at me?

A: I'm learning how your mouth moves

Oh, how I hope that she is a lawyer, or in marketing/ sales.  If nothing else, she will bargain at a yard sale. Until then, God, please give me patience.  

a cure for the midwinter blues

  It is no secret that I love the fall, and I love Christmas.  I pretty much don't wipe a smile off of my face from October until January 1.  Probably because there is so much to do...

Fall visitors

 festivals

road trips

  

 

pumpkin patches followed by power tools,  

and warm enough weather to be outside.

 Then comes Halloween

Papa and Sister Berenstain

 and Thanksgiving

 Then, Christmas festivals

 and baking

and more parades

and more visitors

Then comes the big day

and more presents, food, visitors.  

Don't forget New Year's Day. 

By the time we are done, we have been running

and jumping

and high energy for 3 months straight.

Now that it's over, I'm in the dumps.  I'm bitter about the cold and the quiet, and the "Mama, I'm bored." I forget how to entertain myself yet I expect my kids to entertain themselves.  

So, for 3 days I've had a pity party.  A snap at my kids, be naturally ungrateful and no fun to be around pity party.  Until finally, B pointed it out.  HELLO, its only the end of the year, not the end of the world.  OK, see you next year, fall.  I'm counting down the days.  Until then, I'll suck it up, bundle up, and stop whining!