first night away

A. stayed by herself with my parents for the first time while B and I went to New Orleans for 4 days; she was 6 months old.  It was really hard the first day but then I got over it and felt really rejuvenated by the time we got home.  K. is almost 7 months old and I had no intention of leaving him yet.  I don't know if it is because he is probably our last baby or if we are together more but I just can't get enough of his babyness.  However, my little sister in my sorority lost her dad this week.  Phil was always a supportive dad and didn't mind being around a bunch of girls; he only had daughters after all.  After a 2+ year battle with cancer, he passed on 9/23/11.  His service was beautiful and did a great job honoring this great man.  Thanks for being such a supportive dad to a great friend Phil.  You will be missed. 

So, B. kept both kids and I traveled just outside of Philly to be with some of my sorority sisters and support Sandy.  There was a perk of being able to sleep through the night.  But, did you know that both my kids slept through the night while I was gone.  WHAT?  They both ate great and behaved well, they were out of the house earlier than I can get them.  Then, I got home yesterday and K. woke up 2x in the night and for good at 5:40 am.  Maybe I should leave more often; well under better circumstances.

perfection

This is no surprise to anyone, A. is tall.  At her 3 year appointment, the Dr. said she was, in fact, the size of a 4.5 year old.  We get comments all the time about how tall she is and if she is going to play basketball.  Well, I don't know what she will want to do, but I do know that she was as excited as I've ever seen her to start dance class on Saturday.  A fellow tall person, Granny J. gifted these lessons to help my little giant be a graceful tall person and not a lumbering one.  I believe the exact words were, "I always wanted them so I would be more graceful and less like a giraffe."  Well, Granny J., I'm not sure if grace came easily, but we have had a blast preparing and starting the lessons. 

On Tuesday night, A. and I went on a date to get her ready.  We started at the thrift store because this cheap mama didn't want to pay $20.00 for ballet shoes, $24.00 for tap shoes, $15.00 for the required pink short sleeve leotard, and $7.00 for the required pink tights.  Well, we did get the leotard for $3.50 but we struck out with the rest of it.  So, we went on the the dance store for the rest.  It was well worth it for A.'s face as she entered the store full of magical shoes and tutus. 

trying on her new ballet shoes.  Notice the headband that we made earlier too...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love her in this picture though I look a little drunk... I promise I wasn't

After she tapped around the store, purchased the shoes, and promptly placed them in her dance bag.  We headed out to dinner at a restaurant, all by ourselves.  We talked girl talk like about playing dolls, which teacher was nice to her, what to be for Halloween, and how much we missed daddy and K.  Though I can't stand people on dates sitting on the same side of the booth, we did that.  At one point she said, "We are on a date so we should hold hands."  I don't know how many dates she has been a part of or what people are holding her hands, but we did. 

Since that night, she has showed anyone and everyone her dance shoes.  She has taken them in and out of the boxes at least 100 times and she has practiced putting them on so that she can almost do it by herself. Here is the little ballerina in all of her glory.  

 

a new year

On 9/11, many people were talking about where they were.  These important and life changing days are always close to our hearts and minds.  9/23/10 was one of those days for our family as we lost our friend SAINT.  Many times over the past year I have thought and reflected on where I was and somewhat relived those horrific days.  I've looked around the room on many occasions expecting SAINT to walk in and then felt the loss again when it doesn't happen.  However, I'm making a vow not to do that anymore.  Starting today, its time to think about how that loss has changed us, made us better. 
1) A group of friends has become closer than I have ever experienced in my life.  We don't think of something to do and then say, "yeah, we should do that."  We make plans right away because we value each other and don't take it for granted.  We share holidays, weekly dinners, and are the village to raise our children.
2) A little girl learned to pray-  As a new 2 year old, A.'s first response was, "Aunt E. has a boo boo on her heart, lets kiss it and make it better." Though she still has that innocence, she has learned compassion and feelings at a very young age.  Now, at night when she prays on Wednesdays after our weekly dinner she says, "Thank you for all of us to join our family."  No, the sentence doesn't really make sense but the essence is there.  On some occasions, she has also prayed for baby saint to know we love him, Aunt E to feel happy, and for Uncle M. and Aunt L's baby to be born healthy (and soon!).  She is learning that we can't fix everything but there is a bigger presence out there that is always providing comfort. 
3) this happened 

Baby saint and Baby K on their shared births

Baby saint and baby K. on their shared baptisms

the boys starting to know each other and playing together

These boys have blessed our lives SOOO much.  Though they have very different personalities, K. is still and laid back where as baby saint is more energetic and wants to be on the go, they even each other out well.  They already recognize each other and love each other as much as 6 month old boys can. 

So, we are all changed, we are all blessed and we can and should move forward thanking Saint for the ways he continues to influence our lives.  Tonight we will honor him not through sadness and crying but through laughter and most importantly good food, brownies, and a toast of mountain dew and schnapps. 

little girls just don't know

Yesterday morning, as I was getting 2 kiddos out the door with my 5 bags (yes, I look like a bag lady as I leave with my breast pump, lunch, A's lunch, A's nap bag, and K's bag), K reached up and grabbed onto A's hair.  I say grabbed but really, he launched and twisted.  It looked painful.  She obviously cried.  As I unglued A's locks from K's hand, my crying 3 year old told K. "no, you don't do that."  then she turned to me expecting me to punish him. "Isn't he going to time out, Mommy?  We don't hurt our family."  I tried to explain that he is just a baby and he doesn't understand.  She seemed to accept this so they went to their respective daycare centers and I on to work.  

I'm not sure if she was processing my statement all day, conniving for later, or just very quick witted.  But, A. did not have a night of making wise choices.  As we were all playing peek a boo with K. after dinner, A. said "look Mommy" and then promptly swatted at her brother looking at me for my reaction.  She hit him so lightly that he didn't even notice.  But, not wanting her to find this acceptable, I put her up in her room.  I'm sure you are able to guess what happened next. ..  "Mommy, sometimes little girls just don't know."  At first, I didn't make the connection so I just said, "You, A., know that we don't hurt our family. We don't hit other people."  She sat in her room for 3 minutes and then we were on our way to the bath.  She promptly dumped half of the container of her favorite bath toy, courtesy of Aunt Beth, little colored tablets that change the bath water color.  Luckily, I caught the container so we had black water but at least still have options for future baths.  A's response, "Sometimes little girls just don't know.  We need Mommy's to help us."  A light bulb went off.... Now what do I do?  
a. Some things little girls do need help with, but you know better than to hit and throw your favorite toys
b. acknowledge that K. gets away with things because he is little but she knows better because she is the big sister
c. ignore and carry on with her testing her limits of being a "little girl"
d. decide to put K. in fake "time out" next time so that it is fair in my 3 year old girl's eyes

So far, A and B have worked.  We'll see if I result to D. as the day goes on. 

a very important day

Flashback to 2008 for A.'s first game.  High hopes for a 8/8 season.

9/11 was not only a day of remembrance for us, but it was also a VERY important day in our home.  That's right, year after year we don our Redskins gear and get our hopes up for the possibility of the season.  Yes, we are typically discouraged after...game 4, but the first game of the season is still a big deal.  So, 9/11, K enjoyed his first Redskins game EVER complete with chili for us and our friends and sweet potatoes for him.  He played with some toys, checked out his surroundings, and smiled in typical K fashion.  We watched and cheered and were pleasantly surprised with the number of loud claps that B. gave.  Hopefully, but not likely, this will continue for all of K's first season.

K and baby SL take a break from their riveting game of bat at the block for a picture

Practicing for their future football careers.  Its simple, K will block for baby SL with a smile on his face.

A. is finally big enough for her very own jersey.  We had to go with the Kohl's options though...

A. and her brother from another mother.

I think this was right after we calmed K. down after his startle from Daddy's LOUD clap

 

what... my name is

A. has started what we call the "name game".  Pretty much it consists of her changing her name approximately 133x daily.  Here is the list of her names today
1. Ms. Ashley
2. Mommy
3. Ms. Shiela
4. Mergatroid
5. Lucy
6. Captain Terrific

These names are typically used in a scenario where she comes into one of the doors in our house and says, "Are you the teacher?"  Then, insert name, drops off her baby complete with directions such as, "he needs to eat his peas and take a nap and then I'll be back."  (slightly similar to the directions I give before leaving K. in the morning)

Usually, she'll let me know her name before she changes it but sometimes I'm just talking to her and she'll just say, "No, I"m ...."  This can be troublesome on many levels, how do I get someone's attention when I don't know their name? Then, how do I ask a person to do something when I can't get their attention?  Hmmm this may be why her name is changing so much...  

remembering and explaining

On 9/11, I was in college and asleep.  One of my sorority sisters came and woke me up to tell me that something terrible was happening.  I went to school in PA where almost everyone who attended lived in NJ and NY.  So, where I was terrified b/c many of my family members, neighbors, etc. worked in DC and some at the pentagon, most of my classmates knew people at the trade centers.  We spent the rest of the day huddled up watching TV, we flipped through all channels where even the home shopping network was talking about terrorism.  Throughout the day, we would hear random sighs of relief as people heard from their loved ones and some cries and people didn't.  Later, we went to a church service at our college chapel; I remember being overwhelmed at the number of people in mourning that actually knew people hurt or missing.  I felt so blessed that everyone I knew was safe but also so sad that so many people weren't. 

Flash forward 10 years, I"m in the safety of my home watching some of the same coverage on TV.  A. is watching some with me dressed in her monkey costume as she is many a morning.  She is very confused as to why we aren't watching her typical Imagination movers or Curious George.  I tried to explain though really found it hard to describe to such a sweet innocent mind.  Here is my attempt at an explanation:
Me: (approximation) "10 years ago, before you were born, some terrible people were mad at America and wanted to hurt us.  They flew a big airplane into buildings that hurt and killed many people."
A: Did they get a bandaid for their booboo's
Me:  Most of them were too hurt, a bandaid didn't help
A: But, are they OK now?
Me: Some went to live with Jesus and some of them are here and are better
A: OK so everyone is ok now
Me: Some of them still feel sad and today we are remembering
A: OK well but mommy they are OK now.  Does their heart still hurt?
Me: Lots of people's hearts still hurt.
A: Were their Mommy's there to make sure they didn't get hurt?
Me: Most of them were adults so their Mommy's weren't there.  I do try to keep you safe but Mommy's can't protect you from everything.
A: It's ok, I don't feel sad, you keep me safe, Mommy.

So, I"m not sure my explanation was too confusing and didn't work or if she understands more than me.  Regardless, I am remembering

change of heart

My best friend in college, MC, used to day that she loved the first few weeks of friendship because it was before she noticed the flaws in a person or in a relationship.  I tend to agree.  This is how I feel about my friend...Irene.  You may have read my post about what a glorious time we had during hurricane Irene.  It was fantastic.  However, now, I have found some flaws in our loving relationship.  She left holes in our roof.  That's right, a satellite dish that we didn't even know was placed on our roof was ripped out.  Our neighbor told us the other day and we called our insurance company but didn't think much about it.  Then, the monsoon started and we heard a plink, plink, plink coming into our bedroom.  It got worse... the plink plink started to spread to land on Brandon's feet in the bed.  Needless to say, we had a pretty sleepless night filled with large bowls with a little bits of water.  A. woke up at her typical time, 5:45 am, and promptly moved the bowls because they were in her "house" aka our closet.  She then woke me up saying, "Mommy, don't put things in my house so that I can't shut the door." -- this was not in a very nice tone.  So, Irene, I'm ending our loving relationship... I don't like wet beds or rude 3 year olds and I blame them both on you...

conformist

When I started working fewer hours and staying home with the kiddo's A. started having a hard time going to school.  She would ask after every nap and every morning if she was supposed to go to school.  If the answer was  yes, she would cry and say, "I just want to stay home with you".  I really think she was having a hard time with the transition to big sisterdom, confusion about when to go and when to stay at home, and she was bored at her old school.  As a result, we moved her school and she started going 3 days instead of 2.  We thought this might help the transition if there wasn't such a long time between school days.  Since moving schools, she still asks if she is going to school but asks with a smile on her face.  When she gets home, she says, "I be happy at school today."  However, she still cries right when we get there.  This is our conversation on our way to school today,
A: "Mommy, I'm going to have fun at school today. But, I'm going to cry when we get there." 
me: "Why?"
A: "That's what people do when they go to school."
me: "I don't think so.  I think you can make your own choice if you cry or not."
A: "No, you cry when you get to school.  Its what you do.  ok?"
me: "No, thats not ok.  Today when we go in, we'll look to see if other people are crying.  I think you get to make your own choice.  If no one is crying, then you shouldn't cry either"-- note: after I said this, I was hearing in my head, "If they jumped of a bridge would you?
A: ok

5 minute lapse as we enter the building to playing kids and a warm welcome
me: "No one is crying."
A: "ok, can I play the Dora puzzle."

These are my 2 thoughts on the morning:
1) Is conforming ok if she is conforming to a positive thing?
2) Really, 3 year old logic is ridiculous