This "mommy's war"

Beware, this is a long one!

I am purposefully uneducated on all of the parenting philosophy's.  In fact, other parents have asked me how I parent and I don't even know what that question means.  I parent with common sense and prayer.  I have only read part of one parenting book; child development is a different story thanks to undergraduate and graduate school in OT.  The book, Parenting by The Book by John Rosemond, states in the first chapter that parenting was the same for decades or even centuries until the 1960's when psychologists capitalized on television and shared all of their different philosophy's.  Since that time, parents have stopped going to their parents and grandparents for advice and gone to "the experts" instead.   After reading that chapter, I decided that it was unnecessary to read the book since I should basically just ask the people that I know instead.  When I say ask, I don't mean putting up on Facebook and getting 25 conflicting opinions in 38 seconds.  I mean real people that I know and trust.  However, I know that this isn't the truth for everyone and I respect that point and vision.  I respect that some people are going with "the french version", and some people are "attachment parenting", some people are spanking, and some people are using the naughty seat.  The point is, I respect parents and especially those that are putting so much effort into their children that they seek advice and information.

Thanks to technology and media, there is always some sort of controversy.  This month it appears to be pinning moms against moms to decide who is making the best parents.  I think this is wrong on so many levels.  1) Very generalized- mothers don't need more guilt.  This is obviously a real thing since the term "mother's guilt"  not only comes up with 100,000,000 websites but also 120,000 cited journal articles.  Simply put, mothers are worried that they aren't doing enough to have happy, healthy children.  It also isn't enough to just have happy, healthy children.  The children must also be athletes and very polite at the dinner table.  This takes me to my next point 2) These wars are then putting extra pressure on our children.  The french way of parenting must be the best because their children never act out in restaurants.  Attachment parenting must be the best because the children blah blah blah.  One thing that I can say about my children is that they make mistakes.  They are generally good kids but, surprise surprise, they act out and.  Sometimes I simply correct them, sometimes i ignore them, and sometimes I let them make bad choices and learn for themselves.  But, sometimes when other people are around, I am hypersensitive to my children's behavior and choose battles that I wouldn't typically pick.  This, in turn, causes stress on all levels and no one is having fun.    3) It takes a village.  When we are choosing sides of a non-controversy, we are isolating other parents.  This is also isolating other children.  These children may very well be the children that would be influenced by a simple hi, hug, or even reprimand coming from another parent.  However, we are so sensitive to hurting another parent's feelings or getting in trouble from said parent that we do more harm than good.

Since the Times magazine article came out with a woman breast feeding on the cover, these philosophies that weren't even on my radar before have been brought to  my attention.  However, the most interesting and real article for me was written on Huffingtonpost.com by Kristen Howerton.  She basically said shut up about who is parenting better and realize that there are a lot of kids that don't even have mothers.  I agree Kristen and thank her for putting everyone in their place.  The truth is, there are a lot of children wishing their mother's cared enough to juggle daycare and family members.  They would hope for a parent to read and study parenting philosophy.  The thing that literally keeps me up at night is that one of those children somewhere is mine. B. and I have a plan to adopt an older child someday.  We are waiting for our home to be more settled and for our children to grow up a little more.  But, that child could very well be conceived or even born at this point in time.  That means that same child could be hurt, neglected, or just wishing he had a parent. So when I say I parent by common sense and prayer, I mean I try my best and then pray that everyone else is trying their best.  Each positive interaction that my future child has with another parent my influence him/her to be a little happier while he/she waits to come home and have a mom that will worry about parenting and feel that mother's guilt.  Please, stop worrying about who is right and just care for everyone! I'm begging you for my future child's sake.

Now I'm done on my soap box.  Go love some kids!