strengths and weaknesses

My good friend Jackie once told me that your biggest strength is also your biggest weakness.  I contemplated that for awhile and have found it true in most cases.  I think my biggest strength (disclaimer, if you have had me in a job interview or will ever have me in a job interview, you will hear this same answer) is my attention to detail.  In the workplace, I think this works wonders because I am great at program development, logistics, and even observations of my patients.  However, I often miss the big picture because I'm so focused on the details.  At home, I plan out things to do, have supplies, and even plan our grocery list based on coupons and the sale at Safeway.  However, sometimes I get bogged down in what needs to be done and don't spend enough time soaking in my kids or our family.


I'm sure that over time, the strengths and weaknesses of my children will change and evolve, but as of now, their strengths influence their weaknesses.

1. A.'s is her intensity.  She loves more intensely than most people.  I felt such pride as I watched her move my sister-in-law to tears when she left her playing to come over and sing to K. when he was fussy.  When I'm gone for a day, she will call and say, "I'm missin you" and I thouroughly believe her.  She said a prayer tonight for our friend Bennett down the street because he was sick a week ago and she was still thinking about it.  She still prays for her old teacher, Ms. Sheila, every night because she knows she had surgery on her leg 5 months ago.  However,  this intensity dominates a room... ALL THE TIME.  That pride that I felt last night then made me leave in tears because I couldn't even sit and enjoy a 5 minute conversation with the same sister in law that I hadn't seen in 2 months. All I heard was "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" from the room upstairs where I laid A. down foolishly thinking she may fall asleep.  It had one of my closest friends say, "I don't envy you" (don't worry, I know it was said out of love.) today after A. directed the other children in the church nursery as to what they could and couldn't play with and held the toys of her choosing hostage.  This side of the intensity needs to be taught compassion and kindness and this detail oriented mama needs to learn how to instill this.

2. K.'s strength/ weakness is the exact opposite.  His is his flexibility.  Perhaps this has to be his characteristic because of his domineering sister, but he is the most chill baby ever created.  My friends often joke at family dinner if they hear a peep out of him because he is typically so laid back.  He goes with our days and revolves his sleep around as necessary.  However, this flexibility makes a schedule nonexistent.  It makes it very difficult when people watch him and want to know when to feed him and when to put him down for a nap.  Its hard to tell someone that isn't with him every day to listen for his high pitched cry to lay him down and his goat like whimper to feed him.  Perhaps the biggest issue is we don't know when he'll be tired at night and how long he will sleep. Sometimes, he is ready for bed at 6:00, sometimes 8:00.  Sometimes he sleeps all night, sometimes he is up 3 times.  It's unpredictable.

    
In addition to the 3 other confessions I've made via this blog, I have yet another confession.. I never read a single book about parenting.  I have read umpteen books on child development and behavior for my undergraduate and graduate degrees, but none on parenting.  When my children were born, I figured I would be a blend of somewhat knowing what to do, somewhat doing what my parents did, and somewhat flying by the seat of my pants.  So far, I think B. and I have been pretty successful, but I don't know how to make my detail oriented, not always seeing the big picture self support the strength side of my children all while nurturing the weaker side. So, I'm now reading 2 books simultaneously, Parenting by the Book, and Healthy Sleep, Happy Child.  I don't know if it will make a difference or magically give me the answers to promote a sleeping yet flexible child and an intensely loving yet patient child but I will try to be looking at the big picture that this is just a detail in the huge picture of their lives.