Granny J.'s perspective

A. on the quilt made of Gram's clothes at age 6 weeks.

Granny J. and Gramps watched A. and K. while we were gone last weekend.  Here is her perspective of the journey.  Stay tuned for Gramp's version in the next few days.  And, thanks Granny J. and Gramps.  We appreciate you soooo much!! 

A lot of people ask me what it’s like to be a grandma while skipping that whole kid-raising thing (believe it or not, that’s not unusual.  I have several friends who are in the same situation).  After the usual jokes about how easy – and unfair – it is to leapfrog right over the hard part to the fun of grandkids, it’s been more of a journey than might be imagined.

I love my grandkids and would gladly cut off my right arm to keep them from any harm.   Actually that’s a metaphor, since I’d be limbless already, but you get what I mean.  Still, when Sarah asked us to watch A and K for 24 hours while they attended a wedding last weekend, I was confounded as to what to do with them. I calculated the math, determining down to the minute when they would sleep and nap, and figuring out what to do with them in the remaining minutes.  Still, I fretted.

“What are we going to do with them for 24 hours?” I wailed to my husband Mike.  Mike and his wife Leslie (Brandon’s mother), who had raised both him and his younger brother Pat, looked at me like I had a tooth growing out of my ear. 

“I can do it myself if you don’t want to do it,” he grumbled. To be fair, I asked him in the middle of that historic fourth game of the World Series. 

I turned to my friend Holly, who is also a kid-less grandma.

“What are you going to do with them for 24 hours?” she asked me.

D-Day came.  We arrived on a Sunday, in time for Sarah and Brandon to leave at 9 a.m.   We stayed and talked until 10:30 a.m.

 

Another hour and a half less of worrying about what to do with them.

Sarah and Brandon left.  A and I decided to call my mom.  She would know what to do.

“A and I are making cookies and then we’re taking her to her church for a Halloween event,” I told my mom.  “I don’t know what to do after that.”  

I waited for my salvation.

Mom laughed.  “I wouldn’t know what else to do either.  I was never very good at that stuff.”

I was alone.

After A’s nap she decided I needed a nap.  She told me to lie on her bed and then she put a blanket over me and shut the door as she left the room.

I lay on the bed, grateful for the break (5 more minutes!) when I realized that I was covered in no ordinary blanket.  It was the blanket made from Leslie’s favorite shirts, made for the granddaughter she’d never met.

You should know that I’ve been on somewhat of a spiritual exploration, thinking about what kind of grandma I wanted to be for my grandkids, what kind of wife and stepmom, and how to contribute to the family in spite of my lack of ability or interest in the traditional expectations of a grandma.  I was also on the lookout for metaphors, symbols and instructions that, I believe, appear to help you on your journey, if you only ask for it and are open to seeing them.

I knew I was literally covered in the wisdom of someone who loved this family more than any woman ever has.  This was no coincidence, I realized.  I relaxed on the bed and let the blanket cover me, letting her wisdom and love for this family envelop and guide me.

I was not alone after all.