I started to log in today to write about how wonderful all of the dads in my life are. I am so blessed to have B as the father of my children, my dad, and an amazing father in law to boot. However, a strange thing happened as I began to log in that changed the idea of the post...
back story-- I think that I have written enough now so that everyone knows how close we are to our Maryland friend group. We were lucky enough to find these guys shortly after B drug me kicking and screaming to MD; all of the boys worked together. As time passed, we became closer and I began to see this place as home. We started a blog on Oct 6, 2008 where we would all write about our days, make plans etc. Whenever I sign into this blog, that one comes up as well. However, no one has written on it in forever. Today, I accidentally clicked on it instead of this one and found a little blessing from our friend Brian who changed our whole world when he passed away in September. This blog that he wrote was the last written on that site and it happened to be posted June 18, 2009, exactly 2 years ago. Here is what he said...
I know no one reads this anymore, and I am just as guilty, but I have decided to write tonight. It just feels good to write. I thought about a creative quick one sentence thought on Facebook or Twitter but then I thought that I don't need to share my thoughts with the world (sorry Brian, but I'm sharing them now). It makes me feel better to share it with close friends and it won't matter to me one bit if anyone reads it or not. It just feels good to write. I had a meeting with some summer camp counselors tonight and one of them who is going to be one of my new goalies this season asked me to play golf with him and his father tomorrow morning. I did the math and I could play 9 and get to work in time to get everything done that I need to. I thought about texting Russo to ask him a few questions like what end of the club do you hold or should you take that goofy looking sock thing off the driver before you use it. I was very excited to play because I haven't touched my clubs, unless I need to move them to vacuum or something, since I left Woodmore in late October. I was on my way home from work tonight and realized that our staff meeting was moved from today to tomorrow and there was no way I could play any golf and still get to the meeting. Not a big deal, I'll get out and play one day soon, no worries. I didn't mention, but I'm driving home at 11:30 at night when I realize this. I texted my player to tell him I have to bail on him and his Dad. I start to think that I hope his father is still up so he can go tell him now and not surprise him early in the morning. Instantly I think of walking down the stairs of my old house, turning into the living room and seeing my father sitting on the hearth of the fire place. The vision I saw in my head was perfect. I could tell you what he was wearing, what decorations were up and what was on TV. This isn't that hard to do though. None of those things had changed in the 12 or so years I lived in that house. Two things about my father: 1) He never slept, so he definitely would have been awake for me to walk downstairs and tell him and 2) He always smoked sitting on the fireplace hearth so he could blow the smoke into the fireplace. It worked, our house never smelled like smoke. He didn't smoke that much at home and hadn't had a cig since his heart attack in like 2004 or 5, but he always sat on the hearth. I think of my father a lot, but it is always tough to think of him when I'm alone late at night. When I thought of him late tonight on a dark road, I knew it would be a long night. I came home and tried to get online to track down some old hockey guys that I've been thinking about to be my assistant coach this season. This didn't help because I can't stop thinking about how perfect my father would be for this position. He would let me make the decisions and let me be the one responsible for the wins and losses, but he would also be there to help me out and give our team the grit that we are going to need. I guess tonight might be worse than most nights because the US Open is tomorrow morning. I went to the US Open in 2005 with my father. The US Open always falls on father's day. It was a great trip and I still wear some of the things he bought me down there. He spent a fortune in the merchandise tent on me. I guess this all comes down to one thing. I would give anything to play golf with my father tomorrow morning or be able to watch a little of the US Open with him this weekend or be able to coach one hockey game with him this season. Well, here's to all of our fathers and to the father in our group of friends...Happy Father's Day.
I don't know why i found this today. Maybe it was to make us happier thinking of him golfing in heaven with his dad when we are missing him so much on his first father's day with his son, baby SL.
Don't worry Brian, your son is loved by more people than you could have imagined and your wife is an AMAZING mother. So, enjoy your day golfing and give Rory McIlroy a little boost from above to win the open.
Thank you so much for posting this. I wish we had kept the blog going. I know Brian is up there with his dad, talking about hockey and golf and probably drinking beer. I just wish Brayden had the chance to play golf with his dad one time, or lace up the skates or even get one of Brian's big bear hugs. All of the great dads in our group are going to do their best to make up for that and to make sure that Brayden knows what a great man his dad was. I just wish it was enough.
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