This "mommy's war"

Beware, this is a long one!

I am purposefully uneducated on all of the parenting philosophy's.  In fact, other parents have asked me how I parent and I don't even know what that question means.  I parent with common sense and prayer.  I have only read part of one parenting book; child development is a different story thanks to undergraduate and graduate school in OT.  The book, Parenting by The Book by John Rosemond, states in the first chapter that parenting was the same for decades or even centuries until the 1960's when psychologists capitalized on television and shared all of their different philosophy's.  Since that time, parents have stopped going to their parents and grandparents for advice and gone to "the experts" instead.   After reading that chapter, I decided that it was unnecessary to read the book since I should basically just ask the people that I know instead.  When I say ask, I don't mean putting up on Facebook and getting 25 conflicting opinions in 38 seconds.  I mean real people that I know and trust.  However, I know that this isn't the truth for everyone and I respect that point and vision.  I respect that some people are going with "the french version", and some people are "attachment parenting", some people are spanking, and some people are using the naughty seat.  The point is, I respect parents and especially those that are putting so much effort into their children that they seek advice and information.

Thanks to technology and media, there is always some sort of controversy.  This month it appears to be pinning moms against moms to decide who is making the best parents.  I think this is wrong on so many levels.  1) Very generalized- mothers don't need more guilt.  This is obviously a real thing since the term "mother's guilt"  not only comes up with 100,000,000 websites but also 120,000 cited journal articles.  Simply put, mothers are worried that they aren't doing enough to have happy, healthy children.  It also isn't enough to just have happy, healthy children.  The children must also be athletes and very polite at the dinner table.  This takes me to my next point 2) These wars are then putting extra pressure on our children.  The french way of parenting must be the best because their children never act out in restaurants.  Attachment parenting must be the best because the children blah blah blah.  One thing that I can say about my children is that they make mistakes.  They are generally good kids but, surprise surprise, they act out and.  Sometimes I simply correct them, sometimes i ignore them, and sometimes I let them make bad choices and learn for themselves.  But, sometimes when other people are around, I am hypersensitive to my children's behavior and choose battles that I wouldn't typically pick.  This, in turn, causes stress on all levels and no one is having fun.    3) It takes a village.  When we are choosing sides of a non-controversy, we are isolating other parents.  This is also isolating other children.  These children may very well be the children that would be influenced by a simple hi, hug, or even reprimand coming from another parent.  However, we are so sensitive to hurting another parent's feelings or getting in trouble from said parent that we do more harm than good.

Since the Times magazine article came out with a woman breast feeding on the cover, these philosophies that weren't even on my radar before have been brought to  my attention.  However, the most interesting and real article for me was written on Huffingtonpost.com by Kristen Howerton.  She basically said shut up about who is parenting better and realize that there are a lot of kids that don't even have mothers.  I agree Kristen and thank her for putting everyone in their place.  The truth is, there are a lot of children wishing their mother's cared enough to juggle daycare and family members.  They would hope for a parent to read and study parenting philosophy.  The thing that literally keeps me up at night is that one of those children somewhere is mine. B. and I have a plan to adopt an older child someday.  We are waiting for our home to be more settled and for our children to grow up a little more.  But, that child could very well be conceived or even born at this point in time.  That means that same child could be hurt, neglected, or just wishing he had a parent. So when I say I parent by common sense and prayer, I mean I try my best and then pray that everyone else is trying their best.  Each positive interaction that my future child has with another parent my influence him/her to be a little happier while he/she waits to come home and have a mom that will worry about parenting and feel that mother's guilt.  Please, stop worrying about who is right and just care for everyone! I'm begging you for my future child's sake.

Now I'm done on my soap box.  Go love some kids!

no more training wheels

A. was determined after watching Caillou ride his bike with no more training wheels.  Keep in mind, she was only 3 and 2/3 (something she tells us on a daily basis), but she was determined.

Determined, for 15 minutes while we walked to pick up K. from his babysitters house.  Then, as she audibly screamed every time my thumb moved a quarter inch b/c it's hard to run in a crouched position and hold onto a bike, she screamed.  She was tired of having mom and dad hold on to her and she was too scared to fall.  So scared, in fact, that she would immediately put her feet down causing her to lose balance.  This is the girl that puts 3 band aids on the smallest of scrapes and will scream bloody murder for a splinter.  Her past memories pretty much all revolve around boo boos.  "Remember that time I walked on the deck and got a splinter in my foot."  "Remember when I was running and fell on my knees."  So, we put the the wheels back on the bike.  Maybe now that she is 3 and 3/4 she'll try again.  hehe

Here are a few of K. and brother from another mother playing outside while we were trying the bike.

K. loves his Aunt E.

"Eyes"  That's right, smart guy!

And, how A. spends the majority of her time. Trying to mother the little ones and only sometimes being successful.

"You guys are getting too far away.  Come back!"

"Hold my hand"  

"Forget K. he won't stay with me.  I'll take this guy instead."

For some reason, I think K. being in the background/ shadows of these 2 is a prediction of his future.  hehe

getting out

I am a person that loves nap time.  I have had my 2 kiddos on the same nap schedule since well, for K.s entire life.  I can count the times on 1 hand where they weren't down together for at least 1 hour. I need that 1 hour of down time in the day.  However, my 2 little ones have decided that since I'm comfortable with their schedule, it is time to change it.  A. is still going upstairs but only sleeping about 50% of the time.  If she does sleep, its after she plays upstairs for at least an hour.  K. is in that phase where 2 naps is too much but 1 nap isn't enough.  The down side, our day isn't as predictable and I often end up with 2 grumpy kids by the end of the day.  The upside, we can get out more in the morning and we aren't stuck in the 2 nap trap.

On this particular morning, we went to B.'s alma mater for their family day.  It was kind of cool outside, but we all loved it!

Of course, K. finds the balls

Brother from another mother loving the bubbles.  He is talking up a storm.  He was saying "pop" and "bubble"

K.s second favorite thing, crayons

"turtling" in the fountain.  B. was reliving his college days and telling us the time he swam up this fountain at 4:00 am.  A. wanted to jump in and swim.  Probably not the best story to tell at that moment in time.  

ROTC in her future?  

K.s 3rd favorite thing in life.  Balloons.  Could his day get any better?

This next sequence is my favorite.  It was about 1:00, the boys had eaten lunch and were ready for naps.  Of course, we decided it was the perfect time for pictures in their matching shirts.  They didn't agree!!!

I guess I'll sit here Aunt S.

K- "No way am I staying here"

B- "I agree"

K.- "Lets just go"

K. "I'm on my way."
B.- "You are squishing me"

"Much better now that I'm free."

"Maybe my crib is over here."

"I'll just dive over here."

Our last attempt.  Definitely not happening 

At least I'm smiling

Maybe we still better plan around naps...  For now

something to tell you

About a week ago, one of my best friends blogged about some of the things that mothers do for their children.  Thinking past birthing our children and giving your all to them every day, there are things that either mom's forget to mention to their new parent friends or they decide not to tell us.  Despite the fact that there are several people that will find this too much information (including my dad, father in law, and brother in law), I'm here to break the silence on this phenomenon; breast feeding shrinks your boobs.

Let me back up a little. Well before A. was born, I decided to breast feed.  B. was all for it but said it was my decision since ultimately, it was my body that would be feeding this child every 3 hours for months.  The first few days with A. were hard b/c she was nursing pretty constantly but then we got into a routine and it was good.  I never really looked at it as a bonding time but really felt the health and cost benefits were enough to justify it for our family.  She breastfed until about 14 months (by then it was down to 2 times a day).

I found breastfeeding K. to be much more difficult for a number of reasons.
1.  I couldn't just huddle up on the couch for a few minutes b/c I was chasing a toddler around.
2. Pumping was harder b/c my work schedule didn't allow me to pump at the same times I was feeding K. So, my body would be all discombobulated on the 2 days that I worked.
3. Then there was the 2 days that I forgot some of my supplies; 1 time I drove to the strip mall closest to my work which happened to be in a not so nice part of town.  So bad, in fact, that when I got back to work one of my black coworkers called another and they both laughed out loud at the white girl venturing into said strip mall.  The other time, I decided not to relive this experience and I hand expressed which was not easy or quick.
3. I don't know why, but my hormones were all off as K. was decreasing his feedings and increasing table foods.  There was one day that I was talking to one of my good friends on the phone while curled in the fetal position crying b/c I had just told A. to "shut up".  It was awful, I couldn't stop crying and I was being so unreasonable when making decisions for and about my children.  I felt so crazy that I went to the doctor later that day. He told me the simple thing to do was to stop breast feeding.  I left there crying b/c I wasn't ready to stop and how would he know, he was a man anyway.  Needless to say, looking back on it, I know I was hormonal and it was irrational. However, in my head, he couldn't tell me to stop something so healthy for my kid and selfishly, my main source of burning calories.

Well, 2 nights ago, K. pushed me away as he was going to bed.  He weaned himself.  This is how I wanted it to be.  But, now as I am adjusting to the last part of being physically attached to my son, I am also adjusting to the post 2 pregnancy, and cumulative 28 months of breast feeding body.  So, to all my friends having babies (and there are plenty of you) 1st or 2nd.  Beware, you too may be joining the itty bitty titty committee.  And, there is no welcoming party.