i hate birds

Meet Frank.  Frank is a coyote that only a person associated with a golf course superintendent would be lucky enough to have on their deck.  Frank is a very scary rubber coyote with 4 half legs that now sits on a bucket.  Every time I pass him, I cringe.  A., on the other hand, yelled "puppy" and went to go pet him after coming down from her nap (hence the diaper).  The birds that Frank was designed to scare have yet to form their opinion. 

Our deck is now beautifully adorned with 2 tomato plants, herbs, a bean plant, a cucumber plant, 2 pepper plants, and a huge amount of bird poop from the birds determined to tear the plants apart.  We have a robin that runs into our window about 100 times a day.  Yes, it just sits and poops on my deck chair then rams into the sliding glass door before finally returning to its perch for approximately 3 minutes when the cycle begins again.  We also have 2 black birds eating our plants and sparrows stealing the cocoa basket liner.

I had hoped that Frank would solve the problem and not just be a scary creature that my daughter somehow came to love.  However, I watched from the window today as another sparrow stole liner to build a nest that will only lead to more birds and poop on my deck.  So my hopes are dashed, my hatred of birds has grown, and I have to come up with a new plan... Any ideas?