a new year

On 9/11, many people were talking about where they were.  These important and life changing days are always close to our hearts and minds.  9/23/10 was one of those days for our family as we lost our friend SAINT.  Many times over the past year I have thought and reflected on where I was and somewhat relived those horrific days.  I've looked around the room on many occasions expecting SAINT to walk in and then felt the loss again when it doesn't happen.  However, I'm making a vow not to do that anymore.  Starting today, its time to think about how that loss has changed us, made us better. 
1) A group of friends has become closer than I have ever experienced in my life.  We don't think of something to do and then say, "yeah, we should do that."  We make plans right away because we value each other and don't take it for granted.  We share holidays, weekly dinners, and are the village to raise our children.
2) A little girl learned to pray-  As a new 2 year old, A.'s first response was, "Aunt E. has a boo boo on her heart, lets kiss it and make it better." Though she still has that innocence, she has learned compassion and feelings at a very young age.  Now, at night when she prays on Wednesdays after our weekly dinner she says, "Thank you for all of us to join our family."  No, the sentence doesn't really make sense but the essence is there.  On some occasions, she has also prayed for baby saint to know we love him, Aunt E to feel happy, and for Uncle M. and Aunt L's baby to be born healthy (and soon!).  She is learning that we can't fix everything but there is a bigger presence out there that is always providing comfort. 
3) this happened 

Baby saint and Baby K on their shared births

Baby saint and baby K. on their shared baptisms

the boys starting to know each other and playing together

These boys have blessed our lives SOOO much.  Though they have very different personalities, K. is still and laid back where as baby saint is more energetic and wants to be on the go, they even each other out well.  They already recognize each other and love each other as much as 6 month old boys can. 

So, we are all changed, we are all blessed and we can and should move forward thanking Saint for the ways he continues to influence our lives.  Tonight we will honor him not through sadness and crying but through laughter and most importantly good food, brownies, and a toast of mountain dew and schnapps.